m.o. kng's blog

I've been trying to figure out why I've been so captivated by this old video of Charli XCX launching into a tirade performance at Melt Festival in 2013 . It first made the rounds on Twitter in 2018, when her now-famous words "does anyone fucking know this fucking song?" became the meme of the day, and it still resurfaces from time to time (which explains how I encountered it on my feed two years later). Witness it in all its raw glory: Mood: annoyed Charli XCX trying to pump up a boring crowd pic.twitter.com/rZlyuJSMb2 — Here tf is sticky 🚫👼 fell off era (@Wheretfissticky) June 10, 2018 The easiest way to read this video is as a confrontation rife with schadenfreude : here's a pop star with a #1 hit, bewildered by this lot and how incredibly unwilling they are to "put their fucking hands together." Unstoppable force, meet immovable audience. And sure, it's fun to imagine ourselves as a part of that big crowd. Get your ticket. Find your seat. See ...

I woke up last Wednesday morning with my left shoulder out-of-place. Unable to sleep the night before, I had wrapped my arms around my pillow, conjuring a warm body in its place. There was nobody left when I opened my eyes - just a phantom throb. A reminder of emptiness. It is stubborn, this ghost. It has lived with me for most of my life; during those teenage years when I gradually recognized that the same queerness my youth pastors and parents condemned held home in my heart; during the 4 years of college where I struggled with (and ultimately began growing into) my identity as a queer person and a survivor; and even now, when I have filled my life with a job I love and friendships I can't believe I have and hobbies old and new. It returns home when I least expect it, whispering the same shameful messages I've memorized like bad Scripture: How could you be this old and still feel so stuck in the same old family dynamics? Isn't it lonely, being the one to break away from t...