Loneliness, self-love, and the strength to keep going in Lee Hi's "HOLO"
I woke up last Wednesday morning with my left shoulder out-of-place. Unable to sleep the night before, I had wrapped my arms around my pillow, conjuring a warm body in its place. There was nobody left when I opened my eyes - just a phantom throb. A reminder of emptiness. It is stubborn, this ghost. It has lived with me for most of my life; during those teenage years when I gradually recognized that the same queerness my youth pastors and parents condemned held home in my heart; during the 4 years of college where I struggled with (and ultimately began growing into) my identity as a queer person and a survivor; and even now, when I have filled my life with a job I love and friendships I can't believe I have and hobbies old and new. It returns home when I least expect it, whispering the same shameful messages I've memorized like bad Scripture: How could you be this old and still feel so stuck in the same old family dynamics? Isn't it lonely, being the one to break away from t